An Oaklander’s Guide to going to Aruba
By Steve Wasserman
I wrote this piece for those of you who may be planning to make the trip from Oakland to Aruba this year for a week’s vacation. This is what you have in store for you!
About the Island of Aruba
You can see samples of the major newspaper on the island at www.arubatoday.com. I think there is one guy the island police force locks in a garage with a window A/C unit and they force him to write a daily paper. Every day there is a spotlight about another couple having their wedding on the island. I believe they change their life story each day and where they are from. But if you look closely the photo every day is of the same couple. You can also see a major web site with some deals there at www.visitaruba.com. They have activities and stuff listed there.
One note about the Aruban Currency:
Aruba has a national currency called the Florin. Sometimes whether in the grocery store or some shops they quote you the price in Florins. The rule of thumb is in U.S. dollars take about 60% of that number. E.g. 100 Aruba Florins = $60 dollars. But just about everywhere they accept U.S. dollars. Keep in mind though that some places do not keep U.S. coins for change. So you may get the change part back as Florin coins. You can tell how often somebody has been to the island by their useless Aruban coin collection back home. And it is interesting to know they do not fit in vending machines, or toll booths back in the states. Don’t ask me how I know. The island is Dutch and the official language is called Papiamento. But everywhere they speak English. It is an incredibly safe island. You can walk anywhere and not feel nervous in any tourist area.
When you get there
You can ask your hotel concierge to recommend any kind of place for breakfast if you want to go to a real expensive top notch one on the island. They are also the people to ask if you got lost looking for the Bat caves when you want to know what went wrong. Oh, I forgot that this section was about renting a car. Oh yeah. We rent because of having the kitchen and we go grocery shopping at Ling and Sons grocery store. So we have breakfast in our room mostly.
Around the island there are some cool things to see and do. They have guided island tours to show you everything. Like there is a mountain range kind of a park, great water-beachside areas on the perimeter of the island and old churches and things to tour. They also have jeep rentals to go off-roading and do safaris. Our first year there we did an island tour. It was worth it I thought at the time. The tour guide gave out a sandwich to everybody. It was supposedly an example of Aruban food. Tasted like some kind of crab/chicken/tuna mixture. But generally when a strange tour guide takes out a strange sandwich from a cooler in his car I would pass. There is supposed to be a few different caves to explore on the island. That is one thing I would take our car to go see. Some of them are bat caves. Also www.aruba.com has a ton of info about the island as far as web sites go.
Worthwhile statistic about the island:
It is only 6 miles across and 20 miles long. It makes it easy and fun to drive around and see stuff. There are wild goats walking around some parts. One of the best things we did is the Ostrich Farm. http://www.arubaostrichfarm.com/. They have around 100 ostriches including a pen with babies and eggs. They let the kids sit on an ostrich. My son got to stand on a real Ostrich egg. It’s almost like a petrified rock. We had a private guided tour.
They also have a butterfly farm. It’s ok but not like the most exciting thing on the island. Also at night the Adventure Golf place opens. They have Mini-golf and paddle boats etc. Also there is a new attraction called De Palm Island Blue Parrot Water Park. De Palm Tours runs the island when it comes to active sporty attractions on the isle. They also own this small mini-island and built this kid’s water park. You can spend a whole day there. Now we looked into this and you could charter a plane for your whole family for the price they charge at this water park. They do have meals for the day and unlimited snorkeling included when you get there. But since I have a kid that eventually has to go to college some day I will probably always pass on this opportunity.
Another thing to do is to shop downtown. The downtown area has lots of lovely shops such as jewelry stores, clothing stores, jewelry stores, perfume stores, jewelry stores, and various knick knack stores that mainly sell jewelry. My last attempt to go shopping downtown was like this. I drove towards the area where they have cars that seemed to be parking. By the time I circled the area for the 5th or 6th time I realized I wasn’t going to be able to find a parking space. So we went back to the pool and went swimming. Later on in the week I noticed the free parking lot a block away that I was supposed to use. I shall use this lot next time I travel to Aruba.
The Hotels
The Marriott properties are 3 different separate hotels adjacent to each other. This is where we usually stay. One of the properties was still being constructed the last time we went. This past summer while swimming there, there was a simply gorgeous 80 foot crane looming over our heads carrying beams to the East wing of the property. Half the week I had nightmares that something hit me on the head and I drowned in the pool. My body washed up down by the water slide where this 11 year old from The Netherlands found my body.
Every evening around 4-6pm each hotel has a 2 for 1 happy hour. (you need to know that). But one of the resorts has a pool that is much bigger than the other two. And it has this section that is run by a steady current so that you can float like a cow chip and let the current take you around the pool. It is really cool. So even if you pass out while being carried around by this current, surely by the end of the day someone will spot you and fish you out. It is the safer way to go for happy hour.
Each hotel gives their guests a certain colored towel to identify if you belong. So you may look different on lounge chairs with a pink towel if the timeshare guests all have blue. Whatever you do, do not bring the bathroom towels out to the pool deck. They warn you about this when you check in. I once saw a family of 4 sitting on their lounge chairs with white towels. Within minutes 6 hotel employees commenced a sting operation to remove said family from the premises. Later in the week I was driving around the island and I saw that family sleeping on the balcony of the Aruba Flea Queen Motel.
Now if you like the wildlife, the flora and fauna of the area, you can go scouting for thong bikinis. Just kidding. I am referring to Iguanas. At these resorts they walk around the pool deck like people. I once saw one reading a paper and sipping an Alabama Slammer. They are humongous. If you have any lettuce or grapes you can toss them to them. They have a regular morning feeding at 11am. But be careful. I witnessed a small child being devoured during pool bingo one afternoon.
Inside the Marriott Hotel is the Stellaris Casino. If you want to lose your shirt go in there at night. There are also internet kiosks in the lobby that take dollar bills. But not if the bills were in your bathing suit and got wet. Don’t ask me how I know. By the way the room has a safe in it for your valuables. Don’t lose the key. That would be bad.
The Beach
The most beautiful thing about Aruba is the magnificent beaches. Now the hotel beaches work a very certain way on the island. If you were to ever try to sit on the beach without being under a hut on the island of Aruba than they might as well start slicing you up and feeding you to the cannibals because you will be cooked thoroughly in minutes. No human can withstand being in the Aruban sun directly. So what this means is you must have a hut, called a palapa. You have to go to your towel hut by the pool where they exchange your towels daily for fresh ones at the end of the day, (not the white ones) and look at the diagram of the huts on the beach. It identifies which huts on the beach are still unclaimed at that time. If it is past 7:30 AM when you are reading this then forget it you are already too late. Some hotel guests chose to sleep outside on their balcony and at 5am they perform a rolling leap and dash to the towel hut to secure a hut. So however if you are there in time (no pushing) you study the diagram of the huts still unclaimed. You pick one for your family and they give you a paper and put your room number on it.
Then you walk to your numbered hut on the beach to complete what is probably your most prideful moment of your trip. You find your numbered hut and thrust the paper onto the nail sticking out of the tree thus staking your claim. Allow yourself to celebrate. Buy a frozen alcoholic beverage. But hesitate only for a moment because there is trouble ahead. You need lounge chairs. You will need to drag some lounge chairs around the hut to lay on. They stack them in a pile so high that no layperson can actually get one himself. I believe if you want to be handing out dollar bills like water you can tip the employee to bring your lounge chairs over. That is if you are a girlie man. Real men get their own lounge chairs. Then get another drink.
Now one note about those huts. Whatever you do, don’t go straight to a hut without claiming it from the towel hut through the proper channels. They get very irate over this. What happens is 4 of the Giant Iguanas rush over to you from out of nowhere and starts dragging you back to the towel hut. I think they all have their own beepers. You have to sign up for the hut.
What we normally do is stay in a hut 1 or 2 days right on the beach during the week. And to change things up, we stay at the pool the other days. We had the same spot all week this past summer. This spot had a hammock by it at the pool. I routinely played pool bingo in this hammock daily while sipping mango daiquiris. I highly recommend this behavior. And bring your favorite reading material because if you don’t then everyone else will look up from their own favorite reading material and wonder why you are staring at them. Also you should have some cash on you to buy drinks. You will probably want one approximately every 16.3 seconds. Did I tell you it’s hot out? Because if you don’t bring cash you will be tempted to order them and charge them to you room. Which means you will be getting one every 5.7 seconds. I recommend getting the drinks “virgin” style for the children. I am a firm believer that alcohol is very bad when it comes to young children.
On the beach nearby are some small storefronts or tents where they sell the activities on the water. Like speed tubing, banana boat rides, parasailing or jet skis. For the waverunners they take you on a speedboat to the other side of the beach called Eagle beach where they have the waverunners. It is deceiving how hot it is on those sailboats because once I knew someone who went on one and her eyelids burned swollen shut. This brings me to a thought. Please note the following in general while on the island.
**ONLY A COMPLETE CRAZY PERSON WOULD WAKE UP IN THE MORNING AND LEAVE THEIR HOTEL ROOM WITHOUT APPLYING SUNSCREEN WITH A PROTECTION FACTOR OF LESS THAN 186. IN FACT BABIES BORN IN ARUBA HAVE SUNSCREEN APPLIED INTRA-VAGINALLY BEFORE BIRTH. PEOPLE ROUTINELY WALK AROUND THE POOL WITH BACKS THAT LOOK LIKE BING CHERRIES.. **
Please note as well: public nudity is frowned upon at the resorts. So leave your thong Speedo at home. I once saw three Spanish women topless at the Marriott. But I think if they are attractive the rules don’t apply. At least I wonder.
Now grab a spork because we are going to talk about one of the best things about the island of Aruba. The meals.
Restaurants
There are fabulous restaurants in Aruba. I can’t begin to tell you how great some of them are. If you want to eat enough so your head will explode there are two different Churrascarias. They have Amazonian Café and Texas De Brazil. http://www.amazonia-aruba.com/. http://www.texasdebrazil.com/. These two places are amazing. There are some great Italian places, great steak places, and great seafood especially. Our favorite seafood place is called The Buccaneer. http://www.arubadining.com/buccaneer. They have wall-to-wall aquariums by each table. And in one room a shark and giant turtle swim by while you eat. A great Italian place is called Sola Mare. http://www.arubadining.com/solemare. Now there is a Hooters that I have never been to as my wife won’t allow it, but I am sure it has wonderful cuisine as well. Some day I will insist on going to the Hooters.
IMPORTANT FLIGHT INFORMATION:
The flight to Aruba from NJ is about 4.5 hours. Remember due to the most recent Department of Homeland Security regulations you must not travel with certain things in your carry-on. Any items larger than the size of a nasal hair are not allowed. You must check these things in with your luggage. And pray to the God of Samsonite your suitcase flies where you do.
The Airport
Reina Beatrix Airport is the main airport in Oranjestad (the main city of Aruba). On any aircraft entering Aruba each family must complete an Immigration/Customs Declaration card and submit upon checking in at the airport. This may be done while still at the U.S. airport. Because sometimes you clear customs from within the U.S. airport before you even take-off so just so you are aware it depends on your flight. On the way back you fill out the card again, (one per family) just so you are aware of it, they will be asking you for this card. On your return trip you depart from the building that says U.S. Departures. Because if you go from the other building, much to your chagrin, you may end up landing in Honduras.
A few things to note.
The departure out of that airport back to the U.S. is not exactly fun. No sane person would devise the system they use there. What you do is walk in to get on your line for your airline. Then you get to the desk and check in the bags you are checking on the plane. Hold on to your carry-ons. They take the bags away on a belt. Then you pass through outside the building into the searing Aruba sun on a line waiting to pass through a check point. You get checked by the incredibly imposing and authoritative security guard before you re-enter indoors into the next building. Then you get to a room inside where your checked bags come back out. Yes you read right. It is a baggage claim to RECLAIM your bags. But you haven’t left Aruba yet. Now that is when you thank your lucky stars that the luggage carts in Aruba are FREE. So grab a cart and load up your bags. But this isn’t so easy however.
Psyche! You will notice by the time you got to this room the bags are scattered all over the floor in this room and you need to LOCATE your own bags first among 200 other suitcases on the floor. It is rumored that Pee Wee Herman developed this system because he traveled to Aruba often. But then you grab the bags and wheel them through the customs line on your free cart. It is a shame that by the time you would ever realize the convenience of having this cart for free you have probably already hung one of the security guards by your belt from the luggage sorter.
When you get through you THEN place your check-in bags (not your carry-ons because that would be bad) on the conveyor belt yourself. They then go on the plane and you can go to the terminal to wait to board the plane. Why they make you check them, then reclaim them and check them in again is one of the great mysteries of the Caribbean universe. There are several stand-up comics that have attempted to make jokes about the subject but most of them have failed. You may want to have a spare t-shirt in your carry-on because by the time you get to the terminal waiting for your flight to board you may have sweat puddles in your shirt the size of small dogs. I am just saying. Pack deodorant in your carry-on. Oh wait, you can’t. It is bigger than a nose hair. Just refrain from lifting your arms once aboard the aircraft.
And there you have it. I hope you enjoyed my Beginner’s Guide to the Island of Aruba.