“Leaning In” on the Work vs. Stay-at-Home Debate
By Veronica MacDonald Ditko
An Accidental Anthropologist
I’m going to do it. I’m going to talk about the “white elephant” in many women’s lives – the decision to work or not work when you have young children. According to Sheryl Sandberg in her book “Lean In,” which I haven’t read yet, she apparently tells working women not to plan their work lives for the advent of a family. Okay. I actually didn’t myself. My first child was a complete surprise. And I was crazy anxious trying to come up with a plan while it was happening.
Now, granted, many moms work out of necessity. Gotta pay the bills and put food on the table.
Other moms may have thought they would continue working, but having a child was surprising and life-altering and brought on some really tough decisions. And perhaps the financials allowed them to stay home. Maybe.
Other moms knew forever they wanted stay home to raise the kids. No questions asked. And chances are they sought out partners who felt the same way.
Then there’s me.
I’ve never not been a writer. Since first grade. Seriously. It’s a part of me.
I’m also a person who sees both sides of everything and has a hard time coming to decisions. I see the pros and cons pretty equally. I also feel that way about working versus staying-at-home. I’ve managed to do both, somehow, and sometimes it wasn’t entirely my choice. My jobs scaled back. But I embraced that.
Which brings me to the point of this column. Why on earth, especially in this tough economic climate, are there not more Part-Time jobs available? And why, even when this economy recovers, will that continue to be the case?
I know very few moms who say to me, ‘Yes I want to work and have no time for family.’ And please know that you can use “dads” interchangeably with “moms” in this entire article.
Every parent seems to find their way. I know some that have a work-sharing agreement where they work a few days at a job and another person picks up the rest of the week. Or they asked their bosses to work less, and they said yes. Or they had a friend of a friend who had a part-time position opening and they got it. Easy peezy lemon squeezy.
For others, having a child prompted a career change. I know plenty who are now teachers so they can work within the hours their children are in school. Or they got a medical billing degree to do work at home. Or they started their own business. Or they fell into something else unexpected and surprising.
Or they just kept plodding along as they did before kids because they really liked their job or they didn’t have a choice.
Because in the end, we’d all do anything for our kids. Whether it is work like crazy for their futures, or be at home on a very fixed income, or have the courage to venture into something new to make everything fit.
I think our discussion in this country should not be about whether it is right or wrong for moms (or dads) to work and dream. I think we should talk about imagining our work lives differently and having forward-thinking employers who will help us on this journey. There is no one cookie-cutter path. And that is what makes it both scary yet so full of possibilities.
What has worked for you?
Veronica MacDonald Ditko is originally from the Jersey Shore, but married and settled in northern New Jersey. Her journalism career started a decade ago after studying Psychology and Anthropology in Massachusetts. She has written for several newspapers and magazines including The Daily Hampshire Gazette, The Springfield Union News and Sunday Republican, Happi, Chemical Week, The Hawthorne Press, The Jewish Standard, Suite101.com and more.