October is National Bullying Prevention Month, and recent events in norther Bergen County are grim reminders of the tragic consequences bullying can have.
The suicide of the young Rutgers student from Ridgewood who was bullied by the surreptitious videotaping conducted by his roommate has received national and global attention. Recent revelations by the sister of Charles Leaf, arrested in Wyckoff for sexually abusing a four year old, indicate that he began this behavior when he was nine years old and was abusing a three year old relative.
The impact of bullying can resonate well into adulthood for both the victim and the perpetrator. Those who fall victim to bullies in school have the education experience stifled, and often carry with them a sense of shame that impacts their ability to form healthy relationships as an adult. The bully often grows up to continue in a pattern of exploiting others, also leading to an inability to develop healthy personal relationships; combined with an increased probability of experiencing drug or criminal problems.
The Journal has published numerous articles on the bullying situation: The Bully Pulpit, Bullies Enjoy It, Survival Skills for The Internet, What is a Bully, and The Value of Phoebe Prince.
The two recent incidents that gained national press coverage are the exception, but smaller tragedies occur daily in local schools through Franklin Lakes, Oakland, and Wyckoff. While schools in Oakland seek to promote traditional values through programs like Manito’s Pillars of Character, there is no substitution for the instillation of values on the home front. It is in the home where parents must look for signs that their child may be the victim of a bully, and the even more shameful prospect that their child may be a bully.
Warning Signs of Being Bullied
Not wanting to go to school
Complaints of headaches or stomachaches
Anxiety
Sadness
Lack of self-esteem
Sudden drop in school performance
Trouble sleeping or eating
Sudden aggressive behavior or displays of temper
Conflict with siblings or playmates
Repeated loss of or damage to his personal belongings
Unexplained injuries
Withdrawing from her favorite activities
Declining interest in school or after school activities
Withdrawing from her friends or social circle
Wanting to run away
Anger (may or may not be directed at you)
Stress
Volatile emotions
Consistently missing the bus
Torn clothes, backpack, or other personal items
Missing school items, such as books, homework, lunch box, or band instrument
Wanting to take protection to school such as a knife or a gun
Bruises and/or scrapes
Loss of or increase in appetite
Warning Signs of a Becoming A Bully
Positive views towards violence
Often aggressive towards adults – including teachers or parents
Marked need to control and dominate others and situations
Boy bullies tend to be physically stronger than their peers
Hot tempered, impulsive, easily frustrated
Often test limits or break rules
Good at talking their way out of difficult situations
Show little sympathy toward others who are bullied