How a parent approaches Internet safety is a reflection of all their values. It encompasses concepts of trust, of education, of freedom, growth and independence. The Internet, in terms of communication and education, surpasses every invention. It has become an invaluable tool to learn and to share knowledge, ideas and cultures. But with regards to children, it can be far more dangerous than drugs and alcohol. These substances are taken into the body, and then impact the mind. The internet is full of words and images which are consumed directly into the mind. This should be the basis on which parents develop a unique plan for how their child interacts with the online world.
Two local residents have launched websites that offer parents some important options and tools for online activities. Famzam.com, a new family orientated networking site was founded by Anthony Lamme of Oakland. Anthony’s goal was to create a networking site that made it difficult for predators to troll, but easy for families to use. It offers the ability to easily share photos, updates, recipes and videos. Lauren Trudeau of Franklin Lakes, N.J founded Yokidsyo.com, this website was designed for kids but allows for parent-monitored email and instant messaging.
These tools are helpful, but as tweens develop into teens, the march to becoming an independent adult will require more freedom for exploration, and with freedom comes risk. Teaching a child survival skills for the online world is more than just keeping them safe. Encouraging a child to be comfortable communicating is key, the most common fear of youths is that if they report an incident to parents, they will lose access to the Internet.
Besides predators, parents need to be concerned about websites that might skew their child’s perception in terms of race, religion, and sex, as well as foster unacceptable or unsafe activities. Is a parent’s worse nightmare that their child become the victim of a sexual predator? Or is it a worse nightmare that your child grows up to become the predator?
Parents should read up on helpful software options in a PCMagazine review of filters and child safe browsers. But there is no technology that can raise a child. Preparing children today is different than it was for the last generation when ideas and images were limited to schoolyard discussions, or magazines hidden under the bed. Between 2000 and 2006, the number of youth who reported seeing unwanted pornographic images increased from 25% to 34%. This is despite an increase in the number of homes using filters from 34% to 55%. Online harassment also increased from 6% to 9%.
Another disturbing trend is that acquaintances are playing a growing role in many of the unwanted solicitation incidents. In 2006, 14% of solicitations were from offline friends and acquaintances compared to only 3% in 2000. The same was true of harassers: 44% were offline acquaintances, mostly peers, compared to 28% in 2000. In addition a portion of these unwanted incidents happened when youth were using the Internet in the company of peers — 41% of solicitations, 29% of exposures, and 31% of harassment.
Positive trends show youth experiencing sexual solicitations has dropped from 1 in 5, to 1 in 7. It is believed that this is due to youths being more cautious about interacting with people they do not know offline. The level of sexually aggressive solicitations, those seeking to connect in person or by phone, increased from 3% to 4%. Stereotypes of dirty old men preying on the vulnerable is a mistake. Thirty percent of the solicitors were described as being between 18 and 25; forty three percent of aggressive solicitors were under 18 years of age.
The worn out mantra of “communicating with your children” must be taken seriously. Tweens and teens who feel they cannot communicate with their parents, and/or with friends in school and the neighborhood, are vulnerable to someone who might exploit this need. Communicating with a child requires allowing them to express opinions that differ from your own, and at times engaging them in conversation that would be above their age level. Being proactive, a parent should seek to evoke the questions and then provide the appropriate answers.
A previous article in The Journal discussed a JAMA report on the high percentage of childhood bullies that eventually have multiple arrests by their mid-twenties. Parents who get indications that their child might be engaging in bullying activities online or offline should not react defensively, but with concern that a pattern of destructive behavior might be developing. Those youth who might be victim of bullying should not feel that informing a parent or guardian of the situation will cause added grief or trauma. Parents need to address the situation without becoming overly emotional.
As mentioned in the beginning of the article, the positive uses of the Internet can be transformative for an individual and for the world. It also holds the potential for an “empty nest” syndrome to hit home long before college applications are mailed out. Parents need to take a real interest in the online world of their children, listen and provide guidance. The dreams and imaginations of youth can soar over walls and beyond locked doors, and it’s a parent’s responsibility to teach their children to fly… and surf.
Parents and youth should become familiar with the CyberTipline and how to report harrasment and sexual solicitations. This reporting resource created by Congress remains underutilized in addressing the situation of Internet saftey.
Further statistics from the report issued by the US Department of Justice, The Center for Missing and Exploited Children and Crimes Against Children Research Center can be found here. Or readers can view the entire report at MissingKids.com as a pdf file.