The Real Housewives of NJ 5

The Housewives of New Jersey, a.k.a The Housewives of Franklin Lakes, has inspired a new spin-off that will be filmed entirely in Oakland, NJ – the borough neighboring Franklin Lakes, NJ.

As may be expected, the new show has a working title of The Housewives of Oakland, but the spin off has a new spin. Instead of catty fights, tense relationships, and the high drama proffered by The Housewives of New Jersey, the Housewives of Oakland will be taking on a daring strategy.

“We think it will be very boring, at least that’s how it’s been presented to us”, explained one of the prospective stars Cherrie Amagotem. “The producers told us they want reality, they want something really, really boring.”

The Bravo Network, once known for signature shows of stature, is looking at a time slot of 12:30am or 1am. According to an anonymous source inside Bravo, “We want something that people can fall asleep to, something not very interesting, and this will be perfect for those people that just need help falling asleep late at night. Our advertisers are very excited at the possibility of broadcasting subliminal messages as people sleep with the TV set on.”

Kassie Coolidge, another local resident chosen to appear in season one of The Housewives of Oakland, the show will be about real women dealing with real challenges. “I think I was chosen because I’m not a full time housewife — I don’t even know what the hell that means — I work. I think they want to portray the reality of mothers, wives, and women in a real world. If I was married to my house, I think I’d be filing for divorce.”

Another Oakland resident, Karen Karmudgenio, is an active member in a variety of community organizations. “I think The Housewives of Oakland is really, really exciting, even though it’s boring. When I spoke to the producers, they were very interested in how local organizations meet and work together to get things done for the community. My understanding is that there will be four episodes devoted entirely to just one PTO meeting.”

The Housewives of New Jersey, a.k.a The Housewives of Franklin Lakes, is edited to capture the most dramatic and tension building moments out of innumerable hours videotaped. That will not be the case with the Housewives of Oakland, Bravo producers described a show where every excruciating detail will be shared with viewers. “We want the people at home to really connect with this show, we want them to feel the mundane monotony of real life. This will be real reality.”

While viewers of The Real Housewives of New Jersey often cringe at watching children on that show, The Housewives of Oakland will be taking a different angle.

“I don’t want to hear it, and I don’t want to see it”, explains Kassie Coolidge. “If I come home from work and the kids think they can suck me into some nonsensical dramarama, they’re in for a rude awakening.”

Cherrie Amagotem, a full-time mom in Oakland, reacts with similar disdain. “I would be mortified, mortified if my children were to embarrass me in public. Even in private, it’s just not something I could live with – I’d probably move to a new town. Maybe a town with a similar name to make it easier, Oaklyn, NJ comes to mind.”

Karen Karmudgenio, when asked about how the new show might impact her children, was unsure of what role the children might immediately play. “I actually thought this might be a chance for me to get away from the children. It’s all about the children, everything is for the children, I’m hoping they won’t be a part of the show at all.”

Producers of The Housewives of Oakland believe that the new show holds the potential to draw a larger male audience as the husbands deal with the day to day realities of suburban living.

“I’m hoping to make some money off it”, said Cahal Karmudgenio, who asked not to be quoted. “There’s so much talk about the environment and everything, I hope to market my own lawn spray that is eco-friendly; it’s just going to be a bottle of tap water. But don’t tell anyone.”

John Amagotem, husband to Cherrie, thinks it’s an opportunity to show the innovative and creative thinking that suburban dads exhibit on a daily basis. “It’s all about the duct tape. Duct tape can do anything. I’ve used to to bandage the kids up, and it’s literally holding half my house together. I think this show will be an eye-opener for a lot of people.”

Kassie’s husband, Brian Coolidge, was approached for comment by The Journal while clearing a fallen tree on his front lawn. Exhibiting the humanitarian manner Oakland is well known for, he explained a chainsaw is a very dangerous tool, and suggested a swift exit from his property.

All in all, the Housewives of Oakland appears to be the most daring reality TV show since the genre burst on the scene as the cheapest method of producing television shows.

(Spoiler Alert)

The Journal was privy to a sneak preview video of one of the first episodes that revolves around the housewives of Oakland planning a social get together. The main plot of this episode involves numerous phone calls, text messages, and Facebook comments focused on deciding who would bring what food.

The intricacies of deciding whether to use onion soup mix or vegetable soup mix in the sour cream dip consumes nearly 15 minutes of air time. The wives decide adding the vegetable soup mix to the sour cream dip is one way to get their children to eat some vegetables.